A practical guide for Meaning and Purpose
"We stumbled on in the darkness, over big stones and through large puddles, along the one road leading from the camp. The accompanying guards kept shouting at us and driving us with the butts of their rifles. Anyone with very sore feet supported himself on his neighbor’s arm. Hardly a word was spoken; the icy wind did not encourage talk. Hiding his mouth behind his upturned collar, the man marching next to me whispered suddenly:
“If our wives could see us now! I do hope they are better off in their camps and don’t know what is happening to us.” That brought thoughts of my own wife to mind. And as we stumbled on for miles, slipping on icy spots, supporting each other time and again, dragging one another up and onward, nothing was said, but we both knew: each of us was thinking of his wife.
Occasionally I looked at the sky, where the stars were fading and the pink light of the morning was beginning to spread behind a dark bank of clouds. But my mind clung to my wife’s image, imagining it with an uncanny acuteness. I heard her answering me, saw her smile, her frank and encouraging look. Real or not, her look was then more luminous than the sun which was beginning to rise. A thought transfixed me: for the first time in my life I saw the truth as it is set into song by so many poets, proclaimed as the final wisdom by so many thinkers. The truth—that love is the ultimate and the highest goal to which man can aspire.
Then I grasped the meaning of the greatest secret that human poetry and human thought and belief have to impart: The salvation of man is through love and in love. I understood how a man who has nothing left in this world still may know bliss, be it only for a brief moment, in the contemplation of his beloved.
In a position of utter desolation, when man cannot express himself in positive action, when his only achievement may consist in enduring his sufferings in the right way —an honorable way—in such a position man can, through loving contemplation of the image he carries of his beloved, achieve fulfillment. For the first time in my life I was able to understand the meaning of the words, “The angels are lost in perpetual contemplation of an infinite glory.”
With this extract from “Man's Search for Meaning” by Viktor Frankl, I want to take you on a journey of reflection on your reason for being, your life’s purpose, your … IKIGAI.
Purpose is one of the most covered topics in literature, Amazon will give you a selection of over 70,000 results and there are multiple suggestions available to help you find purpose.
Obviously, the only right answer is the one that works for you but I have tried to summarize some of the ideas that worked for me.
Ikigai: Your reason for being
"The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away." - Pablo Picasso.
The Japanese concept of Ikigai, meaning your “reason for being”, lies at the heart of 4 elements:
1. What do you love?
2. What does the world need?
3. What you can get paid for?
4. What are you good at?
So, the first step in your journey is to find clarity on your 4 elements.
Now it’s time to take pen and paper for some internal brainstorming, making exhaustive lists of your 4 elements. Write down as many answers as possible, anything that jumps to mind, don’t filter, don’t try to please.
Next step is to look at your lists and highlight any patterns or common elements.
After your self-reflection, you need to seek some 360° feedback from your close ones (spouse, kids, family, friends). Here’s an example:
"Hey …
I'm reading this book about Master Your Mindset.
One of the assignments in this book is about self-analysis and asking your closest people some questions:
Which qualities do I have?
What am i good at?
Describe my behavior?
Please be honest, not only positive but also less positive sides.
Write what comes first in your mind".
You’ll be surprised about the wealth of feedback you can get. Compare this with your other lists.
The answer lies in process, not the result
“The path is the goal” – Mahatma Gandhi
In “Finding Your Life Purpose”, Mark Manson explains that finding meaning and purpose is an ongoing struggle, a “trial-by-fire process”. Try something, see how it feels, adjust and try again. Even if or when you get it right, it will change because you change! You should be in love with the process, not only the result.
If you want to be a rockstar, you need to love the daily pain of practicing, the rejections, finding people to come and see you, etc.
If you want to be a high level manager, you need to love the long meetings, the problem solving, the politics, the long negotiations, etc.
Don’t just imagine the view from the top of the mountain, but also the climb!
What pain do I want in life? What am I willing to struggle for? In Mark’s words: “What’s your favorite shit sandwich?”
What did you love when you were 8 years old?
“A child can teach an adult three things: to be happy for no reason, to always be busy with something, and to know how to demand with all his might that which he desires.” - Paulo Coelho
What did you used to do as a child, just for the fun of it? As a child, the outside world hadn’t shaped your dreams yet. You had direct access to your passions and purpose. Can you go back and find what brought you joy, what made you forget to eat, what did your parents have to pull you away from?
Did it involve friends or family? Building stuff, repairing, teaching, solving problems, organizing things?
Once again, make a long list and compare it with the previous ones, highlighting any patterns or common ideas. Write it all down, sleep on it and let your subconscious mind work on a solution. Don’t hesitate to ask siblings or parents for input!
As soon as your heartbeat goes up, you’re on the right track! If it involves giving, sharing, helping others, you’ve got a winner!
The art of Living is Giving
“I often say that your passion is for you and your purpose is for others. So when you use your passion in the service of others, it becomes your purpose,” Jay Shetty
Make a list of all the things you’ve done that serve others and see which ones you actually enjoyed doing. Focusing on relationships can make your life more meaningful. If your work doesn’t involve you serving other people directly, find out the ways in which your work has an impact on others.
The Buddhist teaching of interdependence, or inter-being as explained by Thich Nhat Hanh, means that nothing can exist on its own, all things are influenced by others. Like the wave cannot come out of the water, the water cannot come out of the wave.
The same principle applies to your purpose. If your purpose is only about yourself, it will never bring the fulfillment you’re looking for.
Begin with the end in mind
“We may be very busy, we may be very efficient, but we will also be truly effective only when we begin with the end in mind.”- Stephen R Covey
Beginning with the end in mind means picturing yourself at your funeral, listening what your family, friends, colleagues and community would say about you and your life. What kind of husband, father, son, friend or colleague have you been? Which realizations or contributions do they remember? What impact have you had on their lives?
One of the many great ideas in Dr. Covey’s bestseller “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” is to write a personal mission statement as the most effective way to begin with the end in mind.
Writing and reviewing your own “constitution” will bring clarity, a sense of direction and freedom, helping you to align your life purpose and your values with your daily behavior.
Discovering purpose boils down to finding those one or two things that are bigger than yourself and those around you. It’s not about great achievement but finding a way to spend the limited amount of time well.
Once again, writing down your answers will guide you on your journey.
Where to find inspiration?
“To achieve goals you've never achieved before, you need to start doing things you've never done before." - Stephen Covey
The following practices will bring inspiration to your quest for meaning and purpose:
- Reading inspiring books (there’s a small selection below)
- Reflecting about pain and suffering (your own or others)
- Practicing gratitude
- Implementing healthy habits
- Volunteering (there are countless examples on the internet)
- Searching for 360° feedback
- Journaling ( a perfect way to start your journal would be to answer all the questions above)
Conclusion
Please allow me to finish with an extract from the book that changed my life: (The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People) :
"In your mind’s eye, see yourself going to the funeral of a loved one. Picture yourself driving to the funeral parlor or chapel, parking the car, and getting out. As you walk inside the building, you notice the flowers, the soft organ music. You see the faces of friends and family you pass along the way. You feel the shared sorrow of losing, the joy of having known, that radiates from the hearts of the people there. As you walk down to the front of the room and look inside the casket, you suddenly come face to face with yourself. This is your funeral, three years from today.
All these people have come to honor you, to express feelings of love and appreciation for your life. As you take a seat and wait for the service to begin, you look at the program in your hand. There are to be four speakers. The first is from your family, immediate and also extended—children, brothers, sisters, nephews, nieces, aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents who have come from all over the country to attend. The second speaker is one of your friends, someone who can give a sense of what you were as a person. The third speaker is from your work or profession. And the fourth is from your church or some community organization where you’ve been involved in service. Now think deeply. What would you like each of these speakers to say about you and your life? What kind of husband, wife, father, or mother would you like their words to reflect? What kind of son or daughter or cousin? What kind of friend? What kind of working associate? What character would you like them to have seen in you? What contributions, what achievements would you want them to remember?"
Finding your purpose starts with an exercise of deep self-reflection, getting in contact with your subconscious mind and your inner child and looking far ahead to the legacy you wish to leave behind.
It’s not only about what you love most in life but also about the struggles you choose.
Most of all, living a life with purpose and meaning is about following your passion in the service of others.
Take care and stay safe,
Jürgen
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